1. A friend is someone you call to confide that you just killed someone.
A best friend is someone who’ll show up at your door with a shovel.
2. A friend will rush to your aid if you fall flat on your face.
A best friend will laugh and yell, “Stupid!”
3. A friend returns a favor.
A best friend doesn't because there are no favors between best friends.
4. A friend will listen to what you’re saying.
A best friend will listen to what you’re NOT saying.
5. A friend will comfort you if you’re crying over a boy.
A best friend will tell you you’re an idiot and to snap out of it.
6. A friend will tell you that what you’re doing is wrong.
A best friend will join you.
7. A friend will bail you out when you’re in jail.
A best friend won’t because he’s in jail with you.
8. A friend will hide me from the cops.
A best friend is probably the reason they’re after me in the first place.
9. Upon seeing your mom in your house, a friend will say “Good evening, Auntie!”
while a best friend will say, “Mom, what’s up for dinner?”
10. A friend will say, “I love you, but you’re stupid”
while a best friend will say, “You’re stupid, but I love you”.
11. A friend will know when you’re sad.
A best friend will know what’s making you sad.
12. A friend will buy you a smart phone for your birthday,
but your best friend will be the one who will borrow it and you’d let him.
13. A friend will expect an invitation to your party.
A best friend will crash the party whether he’s invited or not.
14. A friend will kill for you.
A best friend will die for you.
15. A friend can become your enemy.
A best friend can become your worst enemy.
16. A friend will steal your girlfriend.
A best friend can steal your wife.
17. A friend will flirt with your boyfriend.
A best friend will have a one-night-stand with him.
18. When it rains, a friend will share an umbrella with you.
A best friend will say: “Run, Bitch!”
19. A friend will call you: “Friend!”
A best friend will call you: “Hey, crazy!”
20. A friend will tell you if you’re in a bad romance.
A best friend will drag you by the hair out of it.
21. A friend will talk the talk.
A best friend will walk the walk.
22. A friend will just laugh if you fart.
A best friend will try to fart louder.
23. A friend will make sure to attend your party.
A best friend will stay behind after everyone leaves to help you clean up.
24. A friend will try to become your best friend.
But your best friend will never let that happen.